Do you ever feel like a loser? Maybe the day started all wrong when the alarm clock failed to go off, the toast burned, and the car had a flat. A deadline was missed, you forgot your lunch, and the teacher called to say your child was causing trouble. A bill payment was late and they added interest or you were late for an appointment because of a traffic jam.
Have you ever had days like that? Days where you wondered if you got anything right because it all seemed to go so wrong?
Sometimes those days turn into weeks. Thoughts of “I’m a loser” creep into our mind, because current circumstances have us distracted and defeated.
Self-doubt begins its work. “Am I in the wrong vocation? Am I a good enough parent? Will I ever be the wife my husband needs? Will I ever be disciplined enough to accomplish my goals? Will the distractions ever end?”
Measuring. We’re always measuring ourselves.
Sometimes we lose sight of the big picture and we begin to scrutinize every little event and circumstance and measure ourselves against it. Sometimes we feel like giving up. Sometimes we DO give up.
And like those squishy, spent vegetables at the bottom of the fridge’s produce drawer, we toss our goals out with the garbage along with our best intentions.
We throw them away and believe that they’re not achievable.
We get stuck in a pattern of self-deprecation. We undervalue and belittle ourselves.
As Kevin King says,
“When we develop stinking thinking, it results in a smelly life.”
Just like that well-intentioned produce, what was once vibrant and valuable shrivels and smells.
Michael Hyatt calls it the Cynicism Spiral. Disappointment leads to frustration which leads to anger. (This part of the cycle gets the best of me on occasion.) Anger grows into sadness and sadness catapults us into depression where cynicism takes over.
We begin to believe that we can’t and we never will. Not only that, we begin to sabotage others’ intentions because our mindset it stuck in questioning everyone’s motives.
I found myself there last week. I had allowed my calendar to be hijacked because I wasn’t intentional about protecting it. I got behind in my work and as the deadline approached and went by I became frustrated. Every daily task was a distraction. Every word directed toward me–in my mind–was an attack.
My mindset was skewed. I got defensive. I blamed. I lost it.
As I tried to pick up the pieces the next day, I began to evaluate. I knew I had blown it, and I wanted to re-focus. Grabbing a notebook, I began to dissect what happened. The how’s and why’s of how my plans had derailed began to spill out. Yes, the goals were still there, but the nuts and bolts of how to achieve them with daily habits had been lost.
Each defeat was like a rock that I had thrown in a pile. A failure pile.
Bad moments had become a monument.
Michael Hyatt is my virtual mentor. He has helped me define my goals and implement them. When I do what he says, I stay on track. One of the things he suggested is to evaluate myself at the end of the day and focus on three things that I got right. Three things. Not the failures, but the successes.
God says in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his GOOD, pleasing and perfect will.”
A renewed mind. Just what I needed.
Had I been doing this all along, my mindset would’ve been focused on the positive instead of the negative. Had I reviewed my goals each day, then I could’ve made adjustments and not allowed them to get derailed with distraction. Had I found reason to be encouraged rather than defeated, then I could’ve found the confidence to tackle each day’s tasks with enthusiasm.
That moment was huge for me. I messaged my husband to apologize for the ugly blame finger I had pointed at him. Vowing to search for the positive, I set my mind to stop the self-deprecation and the self-doubt. Those were prideful anyway. Pride in thinking that I could be perfect, and if I couldn’t do things perfectly then I wouldn’t do them at all.
No more.
Since then each day is tackled with a plan. A plan to chase after God’s will for me. The one that comes from a renewed mind. One that searches for the good. I focus on my goals–relational, spiritual, physical, intellectual and vocational–and remember why I’m chasing them. I’m intentional.
Yes, some days are better than others. Some are full of daily tasks that must be accomplished in order to move forward. Some days will miss the target completely and others will hit it square in the bullseye.
Find delight in the daily. Gratification in the grind. That’s what it takes to achieve goals.
Throw away the cynicism, the belief that it can’t be done.
Be faithful in the small stuff, even when it feels like it’s losing. It eventually adds up to big stuff, and that will be winning.
Stay Up to Date
Enter your email address to receive new posts and new happenings with Julie as she continues her journey of hope and healing and shares it with others.