Wear the Cap and Gown

Dear College Senior,

College graduation might be way off for some, but for you it is just around the corner. The emails are flooding your inbox–reminders to order the cap and gown, the graduation announcements, and the diploma frame. You’re doing the graduation checksheet and making sure your credits are accounted for. The time is getting close!

Some of you are giddy and you’re planning every single moment of that big day. You’re excited and ready to soak up all the day has to offer. Then there are the ones who aren’t even planning to walk.

You’re tired of it. You’ve done it too many times. There was pre-school graduation, kindergarten graduation, elementary school graduation, middle school graduation, high school graduation.

Five. Graduations.

Only one of them–the high school one–was a true graduation though. That accomplishment deserved every accolade that came with it. The others? They were just celebrated endings. Who knows how all of that got started. Most people 30 and above, had graduations only when a degree was completed.

You’ve worn the cap and gown or gotten dressed-up so many times that the whole thing seems pointless.

The cost seems unreasonable and the thought of sitting in the sun in that black cap and gown seems daunting. Requesting your family make the trip seems too much.Who wants to ask someone to sit that long? Heck, you don’t want to sit that long yourself! Especially if your name is at the end of the alphabet. And if it’s at the beginning, it seems unfair to ask your family to sit through the others. The traffic will be unruly and the posed photos forced.

You’ve just about talked yourself out of it. Too expensive. Too extravagant. Too exhausting.

You’re done.

Don’t be done, though.  Do it! Here’s why:

Do it for you.

You will be glad you walked, but you might regret it later if  you don’t.

No, you might not regret it now, and it might even seem like a relief that you don’t have to go through the whole ceremony and it’s added expense when you’re already broke. But you’ll soon begin to see your friends’ Instagram photos, and you’ll wonder what you missed.

You’ll wonder what it felt like to shake the college president’s hand. You’ll wish you had a photo or two. You’ll wonder what wisdom that distinguished keynote speaker shared that could’ve helped you.

Maybe seeing your friends graduate won’t bother you, but when you see your child walking one day, when you hear Pomp and Circumstance usher them into the crowd and feel all of the emotion of that accomplishment, you’ll wish you had taken the time to celebrate your own.

You’ve worked hard for this day. Celebrate it!

Your college acceptance letter ushered confidence into your heart and mind. Your hard work had paid off and you were on to the next phase of your education. You had arrived!

Then you took that first test and maybe earned a less-than-hoped-for grade. You quickly learned that studying for a college exam wasn’t as easy as it had been in high school.

You felt defeated and discouraged for a bit, then you readjusted and learned new study skills. Many times  you recovered your average, and sometimes you didn’t and the GPA tanked, but you pushed through each task with hope. Celebrate that!

You may have grown tired of dorm life and most likely dreaded dining hall food after a while, but you made the best of it. You learned that it was only for a season and did it anyway. Celebrate that!

You missed home. There were nights that you just wanted your bed at home, but you stuck it out.  You learned that you could make it on your own.

You got sick and your parents weren’t there to comfort you and you probably had to make a trip to the infirmary and be your own advocate. Your independence grew and flourished. Honor that!

You missed your comfortable friends at home, but you made new ones. There were days that you didn’t want to leave your room, but you ventured out anyway. You got our of your comfort zone and pursued new relationships and experiences. Celebrate.

You conquered that difficult class. You grabbed that internship and successfully completed it. You built a new you. Pay tribute to that!

Maybe after mentally recognizing all of your accomplishments within yourself you’re still discounting the need for walking in that graduation ceremony. The desire to participate isn’t there? Here’s another perspective.

Do it for your parents.

Much of what they do is for you. Your mom nourished her body to grow yours. Your dad held his hand over her belly and wondered what you might become. They both dreamed of you doing tremendous things. They wanted better for you than what they had.

They spent hours around the kitchen table helping you with homework and years inside and outside your home providing for you.

They wiped your tears when you cried and were willing to fight like a lion to protect you.

They stayed up late waiting to hear that front door open signalling that all was right in the world and you were home safely. Every siren they heard when you were away made them think of you. Their heart stopped beating for a bit as they wondered where you were. If it was you.

They cried when you failed and they helped pick you up and put you back on your feet. They celebrated your successes. Your base hits, your scored points, your perfect recital pieces. Your birthdays.

They prayed for you. Earnest prayers that they had done all they could to prepare you for the world. Heartfelt prayers that the world would be good to you, even though they knew that many times it wouldn’t.

They poured their life into you. Their heart. Their soul.

Many times they questioned whether they were getting it right or if you’d one day need therapy to get over their parental failures. Each time you strayed they somehow blamed it on themselves.

They’ve invested valuable resources in you. Time, money, and skills. They were scared when they helped you with homework. They wondered if they’d remember how to find a common denominator or spell words correctly. They needed a textbook to thumb through, but there wasn’t one, so they put on that brave face and gave it their best shot. You both probably cried somewhere along the way…whether the other knew it or not.

Every emotion that could be felt has crossed their heart where you’re concerned. Every single one.

They believed in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself. They gave you pep talks to encourage you. Their heart broke when you got homesick. They wanted to come get you with everything they had, but they knew you needed to stay. They hoped that they shared the right words to help you process that bad grade that you had poured your energy into. They celebrated when your academic effort was rewarded with an A and ached when it wasn’t.

I know all of these emotions as both a student and a mom.

My firstborn graduated in December. That whole ceremonial deal didn’t appeal to him at all. As he opened that email that asked for his commitment to participate, he contemplated deleting it. It didn’t seem worth the effort.

College had sucked every bit of his energy and he was done. He called and asked what he should do. I listed many reasons why he should participate. He wasn’t feeling them.

Then, I told him that if he couldn’t do it for himself, at least consider doing it for me. I didn’t list all of the reasons that I’ve listed here, I just asked him to consider it.

He filled out the form and submitted it. He decided to walk.

My heart soared as we prepared for that day. As our family got dressed up and made the trek to campus, my heart was bursting with excitement.

We arrived with such anticipation. Wondering what the others in the crowd might be feeling or thinking. Each had their own story, just as our son had his.

To some it was just a piece of paper, but to a mom it’s 20+ years of her life’s work about to be rewarded.

To some it was listening to thousands of names just to hear their own over a span of about 3 seconds. But to a mom, it’s a symphony of accomplishments ringing in her ears and echoing across her heart.

To some it was 2 hours of ceremonial nonsense. Much adieu over a little tassel of threads on a square cap stately switched from one side to another, but to a mom it’s a lifetime of threads and heart moments coming together into a beautiful tapestry.

When my boy walked in December, I looked around that coliseum. I watched those moms and dads. Examining their faces and hearing their cheers, I watched a lifetime of heart come spilling out as their baby’s name was read and he/she walked across that stage. I saw tears slip from their eyes and quivering fingers wipe them away. So much emotion in one spot. It was palpable. They’ll remember every detail of how that felt. Every emotion.

Graduate, that diploma might have your name on it, but your parents will feel like their name is printed there, too.

Give yourself that reward, you’ve earned it. Give  your parents that opportunity to experience.

Buy that cap and gown. Wear those cords around your neck. Watch that tassel swing as you make your way to the stage.

Do it for you. Do it for them.

 

They held your tiny little hands and taught you how to walk.

Now, walk for yourself! But if you can’t, walk for them.

You might just have a goat that celebrates with you, too!