See Beyond the Circumstance

Have you ever been so deep in a situation that you can’t see beyond it? Have you been so drenched in darkness that you can’t see the faintest glimmer of light?

I have.

Anyone who has lived long enough has been there. Difficulties come.

Sometimes they fade away. Sometimes they stay.

Some I tried to make go away, and I wish I would’ve let them stay. I couldn’t see beyond the circumstance.

My story includes an unplanned pregnancy and an abortion.

I was 19. My boyfriend and I were in college. Our future held promise. We had big plans, but we put ourselves in a predicament.

When we discovered I was pregnant, we only saw it as a problem that needed to be solved. We couldn’t see beyond the circumstance.

We didn’t see the pregnancy as our first child arriving into our lives earlier than we expected, we saw it as the departure of our plans.

We didn’t see it as a change in plans, we saw it as a problem.

Both of us loved children. We both wanted a family, and we planned to marry each other.

I had even catered my college major around my future plans of being a mom. I was studying to be a teacher. If a mom had to be a working mom, teaching made sense to me. At least I would be out of school when my children were.

Everything was in place…we just got it out of order.

That’s so easy for me to see now, why couldn’t I see it then? Because I was overwhelmed in my circumstance and I couldn’t see beyond it.

My more mature self would’ve handled things very differently.

Here’s some things I wish I could go back and tell the younger me:

1. Seek counsel.

There were many people in my life who loved me and wanted God’s best for me. Sadly, I didn’t talk to any of them.

I wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret, because I was ashamed. However, people who really loved me would’ve help me see beyond the shame and make a wise decision.

Proverbs 15:14 says “The discerning heart seeks knowledge” and verse 22 further encourages, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Whatever your situation, seek counsel.

2.Respond, don’t react.

Sometimes difficulties hit us out of nowhere. Sometimes they’re out of our control. Sometimes they’re not.

Either way, our response to them is crucial. Quick reactions are like bricks. We slap them down in haste. Too many of these bricks and we soon build a wall that we can’t climb over.

Reactions usually come from the emotion of the situation. Responses come from the logic of it.

 

My reaction was purely emotional. I didn’t give myself time to think. I regretted it.

Give yourself time to get over the initial emotions of a situation so that you can make a logical decision. Hasty reactions rarely turn out well.

3. Ask yourself these four questions.

• What’s the best thing that could happen if I do this?
• What’s the best thing that could happen if I don’t do this?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen if I do this?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do this?

In his book, Take the Risk, Dr. Ben Carson suggests asking these four questions when faced with a difficult circumstance. Thinking through them is crucial. Writing down the answers to them is important, too.

Proverbs 14:15 tells us that the prudent one gives thoughts to his/her steps. Taking the time to consider each of these questions helps us give thought to our steps and allows us to think through future consequences of current decisions.

4. Don’t isolate yourself.

Had I talked to people that loved me, I would’ve found out that I was not alone in my circumstance. Many people I loved had found themselves in similar situations, I just didn’t know it at the time.

Had I brought my pregnancy to them, they could’ve reassured me. They got through it. I could have, too.

When we retreat and isolate ourselves, our mind rushes to dangerous places. We quickly become enveloped in darkness. We imagine the worst possible scenario.

Sure, it’s fine to give ourselves some quiet solitude to think, but prolonged isolation is not our friend.

I have found that most people are willing to help if they’re asked. They will give sound advice based on their own experiences. Trusted friends will help us see beyond our circumstance and offer a fresh perspective.

Find a friend. Do not isolate yourself. You’re not alone.

“What has been will be again, what has been will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”

Ecclesiastes 1:9

Yes, if I could talk to younger me, I’d tell her many things, but especially these four.

I’d tell her to look beyond her circumstances. I’d encourage her to give herself some time to think. I’d urge her to work through the emotions so that she could think clearly. I’d tell her to find a friend. I’d tell her not to linger in isolation, because darkness tends to reside there.

I’d tell her everything is going to be okay. It may not work out like you had planned, but it will eventually be okay.